I have a difficult time being in crowds.
That's no secret to those who know me well. I suffer from claustrophobia, like thousands of other people. Mine is severe enough that I can't go through drive-throughs and I have problems driving in big cities where the traffic is bumper to bumper.
It felt that way Thursday night at the Joplin Chamber of Commerce Banquet. It was hard to move a step without running into someone. I had that panicky feeling for the entire three hours I was at the John Q. Hammons Convention Center.
I have never felt as relieved as I did when I finally stepped outside after the banquet had concluded.
That being said, it was an experience that I wouldn't have missed for the world. I wasn't looking forward to the event, but since I was one of five Joplin middle school teachers nominated for the Golden Apple Award, I had to be there. I will be the first to tell you, awards don't mean that much. I have 70 to 80 wooden plaques and certificates in two drawers in my bedroom that don't mean anything to anyone. They are just symbols of something I used to do for a living.
I only keep two awards where anyone can see them. One is a plaque I received from Mothers Against Drunk Driving. The other is a little ornamental golden apple given to me by the young woman who nominated me for the Golden Apple Award, a Joplin High School freshman named Lindsey Hamm.
The moment at the Chamber gathering that made it all worthwhile took place before the banquet when I picked up a packet that contained the nomination letters written by Lindsey and by her mother, Mary Hamm. As I read through those letters, I was happy I had a bad cold that night. We all know that people's eyes water when they have bad colds, right?
I won't quote from those letters, but both talked about how I had reached the students and helped them to learn to express themselves through writing.
Those words especially meant a great deal to me considering the things that happened in the last few days that I was with the Diamond R-4 School District. Most teachers never have to attend a school board meeting in which a superintendent states for the public (and there was a sizable crowd at the meeting) that they are being placed on an unpaid leave of absence because their removal "will affect the least number of students." The superintendent said he had asked the principals to name the teachers whose removal would affect the least number of students. That meant that the superintendent and my principal had both signed off on this. (I later found out that this was just another lie and that the principal was never asked, but was told that I was the one who was to be let go.)
I know I should have considered the source and not let those words affect me, but I kept thinking of all those people who heard them and the words have stayed with me ever since.
I was always told if you worked hard and did a good job, good things would happen for you. That wasn't the way it worked in newspapers, so when I went back to what I had wanted to do in the first place, teaching, I worked hard, then I anxiously awaited each year for that day when I was given a contract for the next year. On that day, I could breathe a sigh of relief, knowing that I had a job for the next school year.
I learned in the summer of 2003 that the contract didn't mean anything either. All school officials had to say is that they had a money problem and they could get rid of any teacher even after the contract is signed...so now even signing a contract doesn't leave me feeling comfortable.
I wasn't the Golden Apple winner Thursday night, a fine communication arts teacher for Memorial Middle School, Linda Norwood, earned that honor. It would have been nice, but there are hundreds of teachers who are deserving of recognition who weren't even nominated...I was one of the lucky ones.
I had already received my award, reading what Lindsey Hamm and her mother had written about me. Teachers always wonder if they are reaching their students, thanks to Lindsey I know I have reached at least one, and hopefully, many others.