MSSU production of "Katz" canceled. replacement sought for embezzler

Sources close to Missouri Southern State University officials have revealed the names of five possible replacements for accounting teacher/embezzler Norman Katz, who resigned today after the campus newspaper, The Chart, revealed that he had embezzled at least $129,000 from the William McKinley Presidential Museum in Canton, Ohio.

The source also revealed the points university officials have raised for and against hiring each of the finalists:

O. J. Simpson- "This is a football college and it would add to our prestige to have a Heisman Trophy winner on staff." His current residence, prison, is cited as a possible problem. "It's not like Katz though," the official said. "At least we know about Simpson's problems."

Al Capone- "What's not to like?" the official said. "He knows how to get things done and being dead will enable him to fit in with the kind of faculty we want to hire at Missouri Southern."

Rod Blagojevich- "He was a clueless man in charge of a large budget. Bruce thinks he would be a perfect fit for Missouri Southern."

Eddie Haskell- "He's the dark horse. You can't trust the guy, but he's extremely nice to Mrs. Cleaver."

 

Yogi Bear- "The job was his until some picnic baskets went missing.. He was smarter than the average bear, though Bruce thought that might cause problems because we are Lions."