You know what I also do? I find ways to blame you for things you didn't do. You're always telling me that you didn't do anything. I know that. I just find things that I can blame on you. That assignment that you didn't turn in. You know the one that everyone else did but you? You said I never discussed it in class. You said that you didn't hear me. Well, I intentionally whispered so you wouldn't hear me. I was hoping that you would miss it. You know the pencil I saw you take off of another student's desk. The one you said really belonged to you? Well, my eyesight must be failing. Probably all those late nights.
I think my hearing must be failing as well. I don't hear as well as I used to. That is why I'm always asking you if you know what we were talking about. It certainly wasn't because you were talking to your neighbor. No, nothing like that at all. Go ahead. Socialize. That is what school is all about. Right? Just a place to spend your days while you wait to grow up and hold down a real job. And, of course, if I say something you don't like you can ignore me. Naturally, you don't want to be upset by anything that I might be talking about. History too rough for you? Go ahead and play your tunes.
My job isn't a real job? That's right. I only work a few hours a day, five days a week, with lots of paid time off. Hey, I don't even have to work in the summer. What gets better than that? Gives me plenty of time to look through my roster and decide which kids I'm going to pick on this school year. Once that is settled, I start deciding how I'll pick on them. Will I ask them to sit by themselves just because I want to keep them guessing about what they did wrong? Could be. Having a student sit by themselves works wonders. They can't figure out why I moved them. I love to see the perplexed looks on their faces.
Not allowing you to do extra credit was simply a genius decision on my part. I thought, "Why should I let these kids do extra credit when they don't do the assignments I gave?" Why, indeed. So, no extra credit. And, it goes without saying, no late work. After all I don't want to go soft on you. If I allowed late work and extra credit, you might get the mistaken notion that I'm nice. I wouldn't want that to happen.
Oh, and don't follow my directions. They are just for your safety and to make the learning process easier for you. But, I don't want to interrupt what you are doing. Just tune me out and do what you want to do. That's okay.
I'm sure that one day you'll have a boss that is as mean as me. He will probably expect you to show up to work on time. Unreasonable. He probably won't let you talk and text all day either. Isolating you from your friends. Unsociable. He might even expect you to work. Unthinkable.
Your future boss might make me look a little kinder. Doubt it, though. You'll probably think that we are all in this together to ruin the lives of young people. That's it. It is a conspiracy. Teachers and future employers working together in our own secret club. The older generation just doesn't get you. We are living in the Stone Age. We don't get technology. We don't understand your lingo. We don't understand what is important to you. We're out to get you. I'm sure that we don't desire a better education for you. It is safe for me to say that not one mean teacher wants you to succeed. We don't want you to be successful in the real world. Nope. Not at all. We'd like to see you fail so you can blame your mean teacher.
That's about all I can say right now. I've got some lesson-planning to do. :)
(You can find more of Kim Frencken's writing and informational about her educational merchandise at her blog, Chocolate for the Teacher.
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