Kim Frencken: The widening gap between schools and parents

You want support? Buy a girdle.

Okay, so maybe I'm a little over the top, but haven't we all felt like the only support we have is in our undergarments??? I mean, do you feel like no one wants to accept responsibility or be held accountable? Why is everyone running around trying to protect their own interests instead of taking care of business and doing their job? Ugh!! So frustrating.

Take parents for example. They have a cuddly, cute little darling. They nourish and pamper their offspring for 5 years then trust them to the school system. The teacher contacts them about the behavior concerns of their little darling. "What?"they gasp, "My child would never do that!" Oh. Yes. They. Would. Or they are contacted about academic concerns. "My child makes A's on everything. Every year. It must be you." Well... I have a problem with parents that fail to be realistic. Parents who prefer to live in their own little fantasy world. No one is perfect. No one. We all need some assistance now and then. Does this make us a bad person? No. Does this make us stupid? No.

Why is there a growing trend toward widening the gap between schools and parents? It seems like they are pitted against each other in a struggle for what is best for the child. The level of trust has diminished. The level of respect is almost nonexistent. Parents often have an unrealistic view of their child's behavior and academic ability. Teachers are frustrated with the attitudes of parents. Administrators are caught between a rock and hard place.

Too often this results in teachers and students losing. Teachers lose respect for their administrators and parents of their students. Children lose the support they need to succeed. I don't mean that the teacher or parent gives up. I mean that the child realizes that nothing the teacher does will be supported by the parent, and they realize that the teacher has no support at the school. It doesn't have to be stated. Kids know. All it takes is one phone call or conference or comment made at home for the child to figure out that mom or dad won't believe or support anything the teacher says. After that... the battle is lost. The seed of entitlement is planted and the lesson on accountability becomes an antiquated notion buried in the past.

I will say that there are still some of those rare administrators that support their staff. They put their teachers and students first. They tackle the tough job of calling parents with less than stellar news. They stand up for what is right. They defend teachers who are doing what is best for children, even when parents don't agree. If you are fortunate enough to work for one of these individuals, count yourself as truly blessed. Administrators that are strong and supportive are a dying breed.

Maybe one day those perfect children will grow up to be perfect parents raising more perfect children. One can only hope.

(For more of Kim Frencken's writing and information about her educational products, check out her blog, Chocolate for the Teacher.)