In top secret meeting with health director, Parson reveals foolproof plan to keep teachers safe when school opens

Gov. Mike Parson was caught off guard by the overwhelmingly negative reaction to his comment that when Missouri schoolchildren return, they will get COVID-19, but they will get over it.

Parson quickly called a meeting with his top health official.

"So let me understand this," Parson said to Dr. Randall Williams, Missouri Department of Health and Social Services director, "you're telling me if these kids catch this COVID-19 flu they can take it home to their parents."

Williams nodded.

"That's ridiculous," Parson thundered, "kids never take home anything home from school to their parents. Where have you been?"

"These viruses are different, Governor,"  Williams said. "The kids can spread it to their parents."

"We have to have the kids in school. President Trump will be disappointed in me if they don't." Parson scratched his head and was deep in thought. "Why can't the parents wear a dang mask when the children go home? They could make a game out of it."

"I hadn't thought of that, Governor."

"That's why I'm the governor and you're the … What is it you do again, Randall?"

"I'm the director of the health department."

"Then I should have thought you would have known this."

Williams said, "There's also some worry about the teachers."

"That's ridiculous. Teachers aren't going to take anything home to their parents."

"No, no, Governor. The children might give the virus to the teachers."

"When I was in first grade, I gave an apple to my teacher, Randall."

"I'm sure you did, but the teachers are worried. If we have a lot of teachers get sick, you won't be governor next January."

"Well, you may have a point, Randall. But President Trump only said he wanted the kids back in school, didn't he?"

"Yes, I think that's right." Williams didn't understand what the governor was saying.

"Why do we have to have teachers?" Parson asked triumphantly.

"If we don't have teachers in the classroom, who is going to teach the kids?"

"They will teach us each other. I learned a lot more from the other kids in school than I did from my teachers. It's herd immunity. We put the kids together, leave the teachers at home and everybody's happy."

"I am not sure about that, Governor. That's not going to satisfy the teachers."

"Sure it will. This is a foolproof plan. The kids learn from each other, so none of the teachers will get COVID-19.

"They'll get over it."

(Note: I am sure most of you don't need this note, but after my experience with the post last week about the people protesting by parking their cars at Walmart and walking elsewhere to shop, I will mention that this was satire.)