“Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.”
Proverbs 12:18 (NIV)
Defending yourself when the gossip is about you is exhausting but so is holding a grudge against the person spreading it. What to do? Can I share the advice I received when I was the focus of gossip?
A co-worker walked into my office and I could tell immediately that something was wrong. “Are you okay?” I asked him. When he shook his head “No,” I asked him to sit down. I never expected to hear his next comment. “Yesterday I was in a group who were talking about workplace issues when your name came up.”
“Uh oh,” I laughed. “Was it my hair? You know I can’t do a thing with it,” I smiled. He did not smile in return. “No. A woman in the group shared her opinion of you and others in your health profession. She called each of you by name.” He then told me who she was and what she had said to the entire group.
Can I tell you that my heart dropped and I could feel tears building in my eyes? None of what she said was true, or even close to the truth! He continued “I know it’s not true. Any of it. I wanted you to know.” I thanked him for telling me and after he left, I sat stunned for several minutes. What do I do? How do I handle it? I said a quick prayer and went to the office of a friend and co-worker I trusted.
I closed her door and, through tears, shared the gossip about me. She knew it wasn’t true. But hurtful? Oh yes! And if it spread throughout our workplace and community, lives would be affected and hurt as well. Her Godly advice was what I needed.
“You have two choices, Nancy. You can cry, get mad and hold a grudge, and then gossip about her to see how she likes it. Or you can go to her, calmly tell her what you have heard and if she confesses, ask her to make it right.” I took a deep breath and nodded. And then she gave me her final words of wisdom: “But first, before you do anything, pray.”
I knew she was right. So I went back to my office, prayed over my words and my heart, and made the decision to go to the person who had gossiped about me. The outcome was wonderful: she confessed she had gossiped, asked me to forgive her which I did, and then went one step further. “I will go to each person with me when I gossiped and I will tell them that it was not true.” Wow!
How I wish every time gossiping is confronted, the outcome could be exactly as that was. Now, I’m not naive; I imagine some would still feel compelled to share the gossip even after they heard her apology and acknowledgment that what she said was untrue. However, I was so thankful that she volunteered to try to make it right. But what if . . .?
What if she had not admitted her guilt and apologized? What if she had continued sharing gossip that she knew was not true? Should I still forgive her? As hard as it may be, the answer is yes. Romans 12:17 is clear: “Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody.” That means exactly what it says. Words spoken with no thought to who they may hurt can slice to our very core. But healing will truly begin when we react with the love of Jesus and allow Him to help us forgive.
My friend and co-worker’s advice from years ago is still true today. The choices are clear: retaliate and hold a grudge or speak with the person who is gossiping. The first choice adds even more heartache and hurt to the situation. But the second, done in Christian love and regardless of the outcome, will help the healing process to begin. Forgiveness will heal those areas of our hearts that are pierced “like a sword” and we will experience peace.
Father, I know it breaks your heart when I gossip or when the gossip is about me. Help me to be an example of your love and forgiveness every day. In Jesus’ Name. Amen.
R.A.P. it up . . .
Reflect
What was your first reaction when you found out you were the object of gossip?
Was your response to forgive or get even and hold a grudge?
Apply
Memorize Proverbs 12:18 and visualize the heartache caused by gossip.
Always be prepared to take a deep breath, forgive, and give the gossip to Jesus.
Power
Proverbs 12:18 (NIV) “Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.”
Psalm 34:13 (NIV) “Keep your tongue from evil and your lips from speaking lies.”
Romans 12:17 (NIV) “ Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody.”
(For more of Nancy Hughes' writing, check out her blog, Encouragement from the War Room.)
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