Kim Frencken: Are we listening to the little voices around us?

Listening is not the same as hearing. To listen we have to turn off the inner voices that are already thinking of how we will respond. Listening is finding the rhythm of the speaker's voice. Listening is caring about what they are saying.

This couldn't be more important than when we interact with children. Children are often the most ignored. We've replaced conversations with technology. These little voices are falling silent. Nothing could be more sad. 

 I believe that children yearn to be heard. Have you ever noticed the face of a child as they are telling you a story and hold you captive? Many emotions cross their faces. Fear that you will walk away or silence them. This soon gives way to disbelief when they discover that you are listening. And finally, joy. Joy that someone cared enough to give them time.

I've mentioned my grandfather before. He was an expert in listening. He didn't buy me things or take me on fancy vacations. He gave me his time. That was more precious than anything. By making time for me he gave me the gift of confidence. Today, we're too busy (I'm guilty too) which leaves little time for the young people in our worlds. We don't have time to slow down and listen.

What does this communicate to the children in our circles? That they aren't important. That what they have to say isn't worth listening too. And so, by example, they've learned to be silent. Or they scream to get our attention.

Two things happened to me recently, On the same day. First, a friend introduced me to his granddaughter. This tiny bundle of personality was difficult to understand at first, but the more I engaged her in conversation, the more I found the rhythm of her voice. And I understood what she was saying. It took just a few minutes, but it opened up a door for her to share things that were important to her. Which gave me the gift of a precious memory.

Secondly, I took the time to visit a family member and meet the newest addition. As soon as I opened the vehicle door, the five year old launched herself at me and told me how much she'd missed me. I was ashamed. You see, I've missed seeing these kids too, but I haven't made time for them. Not like I said I would do. I've let them down, but they were instantly forgiving. I stayed longer than I had time for, but it was worth it.

Aren't all kids forgiving? Mostly, until we damage that trust so much that the relationship is broken. Maybe we should slow down. Make time for the little people in our lives. Give them some of our precious time. The return will be priceless. I know I'm going to try to slow down and give them more of my time. Be the one who loves them perfect and listen to their stories.

(For more of Kim Frencken's writing, check out her blog, Chocolate For the Teacher.)