Rep. Bill Lant: My former crush has sagging breasts

When Rep. Bill Lant, R-Pineville, sends his weekly newsletter to his constituents he makes sure he keeps nothing from them, including the name of his former crush, who has the misfortune of having a former classmate who doesn't mind writing about the changes that have taken place with her body over the years. I left out the name, but the rest of his column is below. The first part of his column is about actual issues, but if you want to skip straight to the sagging breasts, they can be found in the second and third paragraphs from the bottom.

I've had several opportunities lately to talk to groups about child abuse and neglect issues. One of the biggest surprises for my audiences is always when I talk about the number of reported cases statewide. The numbers are increasing! Not just statewide but nationwide numbers are rising at an alarming rate.

 One of the reasons for this is the increase in heroin use. I'm not suggesting that heroin users are abusing their children more, they are totally neglecting them! Their most important priority is getting their next dose of heroin, not seeing to the needs of their children.

 Social workers in all Missouri's metropolitan areas are telling us that the numbers of child neglect due to drug use has doubled in the last 18 months. This, of course, causes a system overload.

 In many cases we have no foster homes to place children in when they have to be removed. My work with the Joint Committee the past two years has allowed me to see how the Division of Children's Service is structured and how they constantly have to change their tactics to keep up with our changing world. I have been critical of some of their policies and I truly believe that we need to make changes and set new and different standards for some of the practices of the Division.

 Having said that, I am also convinced that increased drug usage is a problem that, if continued unchecked, will create an overload for Children's Division that we cannot stay ahead of.

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Last Thursday we attended the 25th Anniversary Banquet for Life Choices. For those of you who don't know, they are totally funded through donations. From humble beginnings 25 years ago, they have counseled tens of thousands of young ladies and men and convinced an astounding 96% of their patients to choose life for their babies! We were treated to a wonderful hour-long speech by Governor Sarah Palin who shared her experience of having a Down's Syndrome child and the wonderful blessing he has been to their family. All of the Southwest Area Legislators were thanked for their support of Pro Life legislation and Senator Richard and Representative White presented Resolutions for the work Life Choices has done.

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Jane and I took a trip to Collinsville, Illinois, on Friday to attend my 50th Class Reunion. What a bizarre experience that turned out to be!

 To begin with, that was my first time to attend a reunion. I had not seen a single one of the 320 people I graduated with in 50 years. Somewhere in the recesses of my feeble mind, I expected them to still be 18 like the last time I saw them. Not even close! 

Just like most reunions, the jocks all sat at the same table, (not many of them would fit around it) and the cheerleaders stayed home because they didn't want us to see how old they looked. We found some folks that I just barely remembered and had a great time talking about the jocks and the cheerleaders.

 The high point for Jane was getting to meet the girl I have mentioned more than a few times over the years because she totally distracted me in Algebra class by wearing a tight cardigan! She even had an exotic name, ____________! It never failed, Mr. Howerton would catch me staring at her and smack me across the knuckles with a ruler. I'm not kidding, have you ever noticed how gnarly my knuckles are?

 Well, Pat came running over and gave me a big hug and I thought she must have been one of the teachers. Wow! Time has not been kind to that girl! What was stretching the cardigan 50 years ago is now bumping the belt. Jane was laughing so hard she was turning blue. We had a great time after all and it was topped off by the staff at the Holiday Inn Express we stayed at. I have stayed at a lot of hotels over the years but I have never seen such a fun and courteous crew as they were. Being nice when you don't have to is something we all should do more of!

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More next week, until then I am and remain in your service, (P.S. See, I can write a report without badmouthing the Governor).