Historical flashback: Patrick Henry says "Give me liberty and give me death"

Those Fascists who wrote our history books conveniently left out the the great Chick Fil A debate when telling the story of how the Bill of Rights came into existence. It was a really big deal at the time.

"We can have it all," Patrick Henry (pictured) said, foreseeing a pandemic 229 years in the future. "I have changed my mind.

"Give me liberty and give me death."

The Virginian's words shocked those in the audience.

"But Patrick," Benjamin Franklin said, "I thought you wanted us to give you liberty or give you death."








  "That was my position, but this came to me last night in a dream," Henry said. "We must write this Bill of Rights with an eye toward posterity. There will come a time when a politician or a bureaucrat, or God help us, a Parson will try to take away our freedom to go to Chik Fil A."

While Benjamin Franklin spoke many languages, he was unfamiliar with the term Chik Fil A. So he used an old trick and stalled for time, hoping Henry would volunteer more information.

"That is something I had not considered," he said, putting his index finger to his chin.

Samuel Adams did not have the same kind of patience and rather than wait for Henry to explain what Chik Fil A was, he relied on what he had learned as a three-time Massachusetts spelling champion and asked for definition.

"Chik Fil A is a dining establishment," Henry said.

"Would you use it in a sentence?"

"The minutemen dined at Chik Fil A so they could be closer than six feet to each other."

"That doesn't help me," Adams admitted. "I still don't know what he is talking about. Give me another sentence."

"Chik Fil A does not serve Samuel Adams beer."

"They won't serve me beer."

"No, no. They won't serve Samuel Adams beer. It is a brand like Washington's Whiskey."

By this time, Franklin had recovered his wits and asked,"Why do you say give me liberty and give me death?"

"It came to me in that dream. There will come a time when a great plague will hit all 17 states, my dream was not quite clear about that part, and when this plague spreads our government will strip us of our freedom to go to Chik Fil A because the leaders will say that being closer than six feet to someone could spread the plague and cause death so they order them to stay at their homes."








Franklin asked, "How many people will this great plague kill?"

"Forty-five thousand."

Samuel Adams shouted, "That is more than twice as many people as there are in Boston!"

Franklin said, "And these people will want the freedom to go to Chik Fil A and die?"

Patrick Henry nodded. "That's about the size of it."

"What kind of fools are these Americans of the future? Would they have to stay home forever?"

"Only until the plague has left the nation."

"Perhaps they should consider staying at their homes and reading the great classics or spending time with their families."

"Or drinking my beer," Samuel Adams said, warming to Patrick Henry's vision of the future.

"No, no, no," Henry said. "They will take their guns and march to the capitol."

"What guns?" Franklin said. "Did we not pass a Second Amendment so that our militia could prevent this type of nonsense?"

"The Americans of the future see the Second Amendment quite differently," Henry said.

Adams said, "I would not risk my life to eat at any restaurant. I would gladly stay at home."

Henry said, "But you despise your wife and children."

"I did not say it would be my home."

Franklin brought an end to the discussion. "We are not going to add a Chik Fil A amendment to the Bill of Rights. I would hazard to guess that you ate something that did not digest well last night before you retired.

"With all we have sacrificed to create this great nation, no one would be foolish enough to arm themselves against a government that protects them from the plague."

Henry was upset, but recovered quickly.

"I propose an 11th amendment that would allow all Americans to have the freedom to get their hair done and their wigs powdered during times of plague."