In the first place, they would definitely not be using Twitter. They would farm out the process to a proven master developer like David Wallace of Wallace Bajjali.
Sure, Toby Teeter offers great tax incentives and the alluring prospect of cheap labor, but where is the imagination?
Think of the things a true visionary like David Wallace would put into the package:
We have a Coke building
Why offer 1,000 acres of valuable land with access to a railroad and two interstate highways and force Tesla to build a plant? We already have a Coke building located in beautiful downtown Joplin. Top Tesla officials can cruise Main when they come to Joplin (and it's not that far from the airport).
How about the Joplin Teslas?
If Tesla comes to Joplin, under the Wallace Bajjali plan, not only would the company get skilled workers at lower wages, but it can have a luxury box at Joe Becker Stadium and watch its own minor league team, the Joplin Teslas. GM will be green with envy.
Even more entertainment
Under the innovative Wallace Bajjali plan, a movie theater will be built on top of the Tesla plant, as well as a high class bar, which would allow your workforce to make batteries during the day and get a charge at night, if you know what I mean.
Why should Tesla ever pay any taxes?
Under Wallace Bajjali's supercharged (get it, Tesla) TIFF program (Tax Increment Financing Forever), Tesla would never have to pay any taxes and as an added incentive, the company will receive the first born child of every Webb City parent.
Humphrey Bogart said it best.
It's the stuff that are dreams are made of.
4 comments:
I still can't stop laughing!!! This is the best sarcasm that I have read in years. Very well written - with a lot of imagination. Thanks Randy
The good old days...back when all government and good old boy stupidity did was waste taxpayer dollars and mortgage the future for pie in the sky scams.
One thing leads to another.
#trumpvirus
#nepotismviruswithJaredthesilverspooner
So would Tesla leave town without telling anyone after two and a half years of getting nothing done and taking $1.7 million of the city's money? There's probably office space available in the Gryphon Building from which they could quietly depart.
Thoughts and prayers for the citizens and taxpayers of Joplin! They'll be lucky if it's only $1.7 million the Joplin rubes and marks get bent over for this time.
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