If there is anyone I should blame for all of my problems tonight, it would have to be Liz Holliday.
If you are not familiar with Miss Holliday, she has been delivering top-notch news stories for KOAM since she arrived at the station and has developed a bond of trust with her viewers, including me.
So when I was watching the 6 p.m. news and heard Liz Holliday say that Wal-Mart is the top place to find love at first sight in 15 states, including Missouri, I knew it had to be true, and I knew that on Valentine's Day, I would probably find true love, either in electronics or near the bakery.
I showered, shaved, thought about combing my hair (until I realized I had two of them), dressed in my Friday night best and headed to Wal-Mart.
Talk about looking for love in all the wrong places.
I entered the store, took a left and headed toward the produce section. Nothing there. I saw two attractive women, but both were accompanied by two men who were considerably larger (and sad to say would probably be considered better looking) than I am.
I walked past the bread section, then took a right at the condiments. Unfortunately, some guy in his 20s or early 30s decided at that very moment to cut a corner short and nailed me head on with a shopping cart and then went on his merry way without offering an apology.
Still no love at first sight, but bruises were developing.
As I walked down another aisle, searching left and right for true love, an older man (and you know when I am talking older than I am, I am talking OLD) decided to swing his cart around and clipped my leg. At least this one apologized.
I walked across the store, sore but still game, but no luck. So finally I decided Valentine's Day was not the night to prowl the aisles of Wal-Mart in search of romance.
I left the store, saw my car and used my key to unlock the doors and turn on the headlights. As I walked toward the vehicle, a red pickup truck pulled into the spot beside my car. I didn't think anything of it. I walked beside my car and was preparing to open my door when the passenger side door of the pickup flew open and caught me across my back and side.
And wouldn't you know it? The woman who hit me was engrossed in a phone conversation and had not even noticed me.
She apologized, too. By this point, I didn't care; I just wanted to get home (though I did consider Target for a brief moment).
About my lawsuit- Should I sue Liz Holliday for false advertising? (What lawsuit were you expecting me to write about?)
KOAM TV 7
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