Billion Dollar Google 1, Small Town Teacher 0

(The following is my latest Daily Kos blog.)

Three days have passed since I opened my credit card bill and discovered irrefutable evidence that teachers are not always the smartest people in the classroom, or anywhere else for that matter.

There in black and white was proof that I had spent three times as much to advertise my latest book, Spirit of Hope: The Year After the Joplin Tornado, than I have received from its sales.

And all of this time I thought I had ended the advertising campaign two months earlier.

Apparently, it is not that easy when you are dealing with Google. Google had charged me four times as much as I paid to have my pacemaker implanted six months ago. (Thank God for my school district’s health insurance plan.)

My problems started with the success of the first book Carthage Press Managing Editor John Hacker and I wrote about the May 22, 2011, Joplin Tornado, 5:41: Stories from the Joplin Tornado. When we decided to write a follow-up detailing the city of Joplin’s recovery and sharing more tornado stories, I decided to see if a little internet advertising might help spread the word about the book. I decided not to spend more than a few hundred, gauge the response and determine if advertising with Google made any sense.

I put an ad on YouTube, linking to a trailer about the book, and also bought a Google AdWords campaign, finding the information to do both ad campaigns on the same page.

When it became obvious that Spirit of Hope was not going to be the success 5:41 was, I went to the YouTube page and paused the campaign, thinking (foolishly, in retrospect) that I was pausing the entire campaign.

Two charges totaling $1,035.70 had been included on my previous bill, and I just thought I had miscalculated what I owed Google. For the first time in my life, I did not make the full payment to the credit card company, but paid $500. I figured it would be easy to make up the rest over the next couple of months.

Then the new bill arrived- for $2,479.74, including the amount unpaid from the previous month and a whopping $1,607.13 in new charges from Google. It finally hit me that something was wrong.

I wanted to pick up the phone and call Google immediately. It took quite a while just to figure out how to call the company. Finally, I reached the automated operator, figured out how to get through and then waited several minutes to the accompaniment of elevator music to talk to an actual human being.

A polite young man attempted to answer my questions, told me he would check with a manager about it and see what could be done. Since it was Friday, I was going to have to wait until Monday to find out what he was able to do.

Today, I discovered he wasn’t able to do much. In an e-mail, he wrote, “I had a manager look into your issue today.  Although it's hard for us to really tell when you meant to pause the ads, we are willing to offer you the maximum amount for a user-error credit.  We credit the account up to one week's spend for this type of issue, as a one-time courtesy.  The week with the highest spend totals $371.  

In order for us to add this credit to your account, we will need your permission.  Please respond saying that you authorize this transaction.”

Hmm. “It’s hard for us to tell when you meant to pause the ads.” I hardly think so. It was August 11 because I did stop the Spirit of Hope You Tube ad that day. And $371 of credit after I had already been charged more than $2,600. I don’t think so.

I called Google again. Naturally, I was unable to reach the person who talked to me on Friday, but an unfailingly polite and helpful young woman told me she would check to see what she could do.

She talked to a manager, and then e-mailed the man I talked to on Friday, who sent me the following message a couple of hours later:

 "I see that you spoke with (name deleted) today.  She spoke with her manager who approved a $750 credit onto the account.  If you would like to accept this offer, reply to this message.”

It took me that long to realize these people were not talking to me about paying me back $750, but simply giving me credit to buy more of the same kind of advertising that had not worked for me in the first place.

 That was what I wrote when I responded to Google about an hour ago. My message bounced back to me saying that I could not reply to that e-mail message. Thankfully, I kept looking and found that I had been sent on that I could e-mail the response to and sent it again.

I am waiting to hear Google’s response, but I am not expecting this to have a happy ending. So for the next few months, I will have to tighten my belt and pay for my own stupidity.

You would think a teacher would be smarter.