So you want to run a Joplin R-8 shredding machine?

I have taken the liberty of putting together this employment ad to save C. J. Huff and his crackerjack administrative team the trouble and the taxpayers some money.

Job Description

Position: Shredding Machine Operator

Term:       As needed

Classification     Non-Exempt

Location: Joplin Schools Administration Building

Qualifications: High School Diploma or General Education Degree (GED). Three years in some phase of work-related field or recognized apprenticeship. Those with integrity need not apply.

Reports to:  Superintendent or Others Who May Get Caught Up in State Audit

EXPERIENCE:

Previous work-related skill, knowledge, or experience preferred. Must be willing to look in all directions, including the other way.

QUALIFICATIONS: 

• Ability to manage a shredding machine effectively.
• Proficiency in dealing with the collection, shredding, and disposing of documents
• Ability to place documents that will not reflect badly on Joplin R-8 Administration in the one cardboard box that will be provided for that purpose.
• Excellent lack of verbal skills in case of questioning by state auditors.
• Ability to work independently on assigned tasks as well as to accept direction on given assignments. Must be willing to listen to one of her bosses as he tearfully relives the days when he was considered to be the hero of the Joplin Tornado

GENERAL EXPECTATIONS

• Supports the mission of Joplin Schools with all expectations of 21st Century shredding
• Supports the value of education and does everything for the kids, just like C. J. Huff
• Not only Safeguards confidential and/or sensitive information, but makes sure that it will never see the light of day
• Does not communicate effectively with all the members of the school district and community. Must not talk to school board members, auditors, or reveal anything to bloggers who used to work for the school district.
• Reacts to change productively, but prefers crisp dollar bills
• Keeps abreast of new information, innovative ideas and techniques then forgets them in order to be able to fit in at Administration office.
• Maintains accurate records and filing systems for accountability and audit purposes, in addition to ones that are provided for state auditors. Must also be willing to hide "might as well" list.

ATTENDANCE

Consistent and regular attendance is an essential function of this position. Must be prepared for visitors at any time.

Physical Demands

Physical Demands

Level:  Light

• Occasional Lifting up to 25 pounds. Must be able to walk and chew gum at the same time since beggars can't be chewers.
• The individual who holds this position is regularly required to walk, hear and speak and must have close moderate and distance vision ability.  Must be able to bend over in case of emergency.

Conditions and Environment

The work environment is consistent with a typical office environment., at least if that typical office environment is subject to federal racketeering charges.

Note:  The statements herein are intended to describe the general nature and level of work being performed byemployees, and are not to be construed as an exhaustive list of responsibilities, duties, and skills required of personnel so classified.  Furthermore, they do not establish a contract for employment and are subject to change at the discretion of the employer.