Kim Frencken: Primary teachers are not paid enough

Primary teachers should be paid more. They are not paid nearly enough. One of them and at least 25 squirmy little five-year-olds asking you to tie their shoes. All day long. They only know some of their letters. Q's aren't even in their alphabet. R's are backwards and B's and D's are reversible. Same with numbers 3, 5, and 7. I used to think that it took talent to write backwards. No, it does not. You only have to be a five-year-old. Then, it comes naturally.

Why is it that the kid picking their nose wants to hold your hand? Or the one that wants a hug has their lunch smeared all over their face? Wear plastic. Wear gloves and a plastic shower cap and you should be good. At the end of the day just power wash yourself. Don't forget steal toed boots. Your feet will be stepped on repeatedly throughout the day.

Nerves. Primary teachers have nerves of steel. Literally. They can calmly, quietly, in a sing-song voice answer the same question over and over and over and over. They ask questions softly about making good choices, having nice hands, and being kind.

And then there's tattling. Anyone who breathes on anyone, touches anyone, or looks at anyone wrong will be reported. There are 25 pairs of eyes and ears that can't wait to report to the only person in the room that is over 4 foot. They embellish and exaggerate as only the very young can do. It is their personal duty to put their errant classmate back on the right path. This is not tattling. This is reform. 

The one who strays will be held up as an example. The one who is the self-designated reporter gives themselves a pat on the back for a job well-done. That is until the teacher shames the reporter and makes them feel like they did something wrong. Don't lose heart. The little police will have their confidence restored shortly, and return to duty.

Patience. Primary teachers have more patience than all other grade levels combined. Everything takes at least twice as long. Everything has a why? attached to it. You can't get ready for the bus in three minutes. Plan on 30 minutes. Snack time lasts at least 20 minutes when most school lunch times don't come close to that length of time. Recess, on the other hand, can't be long enough. They need to run and scream and wear themselves out. 

Shoulder pads. Every primary teacher should be handed a set of shoulder pads on the first day of school. They're going to need them. There is at least one impatient little person that will be drilling a hole in your arm the size of the Grand Canyon. And what they want to tell you is earth shattering. The last one to put a crater in my arm kept calling me Mrs. Frankenstein. She had a headache that only recess could cure. She had a headache?? I told her to take a good look at me and see just what a real headache looked like. Never once did I correct her mispronunciation of my name. Somehow I felt like a Frankenstein. Or a Grinch. Or maybe Scrooge.

Primary teachers have the opportunity to dress in silly costumes and participate in childish games. Sometimes this is fun but that's not always the case. Which brings me to the elf. That stupid Elf-on-the-Shelf. I would like to send him back to the North Pole where he can disrupt the other elves. Let's see what Santa thinks about that!

There isn't enough money in the world to pay primary teachers. They are on the front lines. Cleaning up snot and every other unmentionable while wearing a smile and singing a song. There just isn't enough money for that.

(For more of Kim Frencken's writing and information about her educational products, check out her blog, Chocolate For the Teacher.)