Kim Frencken: Classroom breakfast

For lack of a better term I'll use the word dumb. That's right. Dumb. Dumb things that educators do. Take for instance bell ringers. What if you don't have a bell system? What do you call it then? Nothing sounds quite as cute as bell ringer.

 Or what about a no tardy policy? Literally. Students could not be counted tardy because there was a no tardy policy. So even though they were late to class they were not tardy. Why? You got it. Because we have a no tardy policy. 

 Or what about the concept that we let kids be kids. Sounds good. Maybe. Sounds trendy. For sure. Sounds dumb. Definitely. Kids are kids. We don't let them be anything. They are what they are. Kids. But does that mean we let them play in the street? No. 

Here's one that takes the cake. At least for me. Breakfast in the classroom instead of the cafeteria. Why? Instead of having spilled milk in one room, you have spilled milk in several rooms. Have you ever smelled milk that was spilled a day or two later? Not so pleasant. There are enough odors going on in classrooms full of kids in which we are letting kids be kids without adding the rank odor of spoiled milk. I don't mean that we leave it there in a puddle, just waiting for it to dry. Oh, no. We have mops and wipes and towels and sprays to clean up messes. But there is always that little drop that goes unnoticed. The heat comes on as temperatures dip. That little drop heats up and becomes one big toxic stink.

It never fails that little hands that can't open milk cartons or juice cups, can't hang on to them either. That's a no brainer. But neither can teens who are too busy socializing and being kids. Oops! There went my applesauce. Accidentally knocked it off my desk. 

Of course, the plastic container explodes when it hits the tile floor projecting sweet, sticky applesauce in a 3 mile radius. Don't worry. If you miss a spatter or two, it will show up as this lovely shade of blue-black mold in a few weeks. Probably on the side of your file cabinet.

Let's not forget the reading rooms. Rooms where reading is made more inviting by placing pieces of comfy furniture and carpets in atheistically pleasing arrangements to encourage kids to love reading. Don't you just love spills on your rug? That stain will always remind you of the delicious breakfast burrito that was smashed into the fibers while your kids were being kids. Memories.

Who thinks up these things anyway? I want to know. I want to invite these rocket scientists into my room to do a study of kids (being kids) while eating their breakfast in a classroom just so they won't be tardy to class. And while they are there I'll be sure to let them help clean up. I have an extra broom. I'm good at sharing. Besides, I don't want to have all the fun.

(For more of Kim Frencken's writing, check out her blog, Chocolate For the Teacher.)