"Hey, you called me a little people. I'm not a little people!"
"You're 5. I'm 53. That makes you a little person."
"You're 53! My granny is that old!"
Thanks little person. Moving on to morning meeting (where do they get the names for this stuff?).
Today is Friday. What day was yesterday?
"Yes, little person with curly red hair."
"What are we having for snack today?"
This sets off a conversation about snacks. It is time to snacks (No. Snack isn't for 4 more long hours), what is snack? who brought snack? Finally, I think we're back on the day of the week. I call on another little person who is frantically waving their hand at teacher. Turns out the little person next to them is poking them. So, I move them to another location, which results in moving two more because they can't sit next to each other without talking. By the time we return to Morning Meeting, morning is over and I've forgotten what day of the week it is.
So... let's move to recess. Surely these little people will be excited about recess. Surely they will follow directions just because they want to go to recess. Wrong. The word recess results in a frenzy. Have you ever been in a room where they are about 25 five year olds running around trying to get their coats on? Well, if you haven't you're missing something. Namely, a headache. Finally, coats are on (right side), shoes are tied, coats are zipped. We move to the door and form a "line". We head towards the door and break free into the sunlight. Quick as a wink, coats are unzipped and thrown by the wayside. So much for getting them ready for recess.
Back in the room, we prepare for lunch. First bathroom (which is an experience) and then line up in lunch order. There is the usual pushing, shoving, talking as we head to the cafeteria. Then chaos breaks out.
"Do I need a fork?"
"Why do I need a fork?"
"I thought I was getting a chicken patty!"
"I forgot my milk."
"He looked at me mean."
And so it goes. Then I have to sit in the cafeteria with them. So much for a quiet lunch. How can my food digest when I am facing hundreds of little people who smear their food all over their hands and faces? Not to mention the ones that can't open their milk or dump part of their food on the kid's tray next to them. What are kids learning at home these days?
I thought the reading lesson would be a snap.
"We're going to play a little game. I'm going to say three words. You tell me which two words have the same beginning sound. Listen carefully. Wish. Yet. Yell."
Hands shoot up. Good. Like I thought, piece of cake.
"Gift!"
"No, I didn't say gift. Let me repeat the three words. Wish. Yet. Yell. Which two words have the same first sound?"
Light bulbs flicker, then one by one they go off. I think.
"Pumpkin!"
So I try another flickering light.
"Gift and Wish!"
It continues for about three more tries. Then I give up. Defeated. I tell them that we'll try it another day. They demand to know why we aren't playing the game any more. Because. I. Don't. Want. To.
We're in the afternoon stretch. Nap. Specials. Recess. Snack. Pack up to go home. Home. Sweeter words were never written. Nap is a joke. Not everyone sees the need to recharge their bodies. I do. I wish that I could take 40 winks. Then I discover that nap time is too short for the ones who are actually napping. They groan and snuggle deeper into their fuzzy blankets. I'm jealous. Why didn't I get a nap mat when I checked in this morning?
Specials. Yes!! Specials are a gift. A blessing. Special. Wonderful. 50 minutes of solitude. No one is taking the caps off of markers. No one is spilling glue. No one is tattling. No one is tugging on my pant leg or elbow. Bliss. The time flies by. Too quick. I have to go pick them up. Reluctantly, I head down the hall and see their smiling faces. They wave at me. They hug me. Who couldn't love these little people?
The moment comes to a crashing halt when we try to line up for recess. You've heard the saying, "It's like herding cats?" Well, let me just say, it isn't. Cats do not act like this. Cats may run every which direction and jump and climb and hide. But cats do not scream and yell and talk and tattle while they are doing it!
The clock is ticking. Slowly. Recess is over. Snacks are laid out. My nerves have had it. I look in the eye of one particularly annoying little person ( that has talked nonstop all day telling me that he will be good today) and say, "You're on my last nerve."
Hands go in the air. I call on one.
"Can I be on your last nerve too?"
Sure, why not? Join the club.
(For more of Kim Frencken's writing and information about her educational products, check out her blog, Chocolate For the Teacher.)
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